The decade between twenty to thirty marks a huge part our lives, so much can happen between this space of time. It is this anticipation that makes my mind blurry with complicated thoughts. This is the time when so much is expected of us, and it is hard to comprehend where to begin..
Moving Away and Getting A Career.
University is where it all starts. The first time moving away and living for yourself. (Though the year before I moved out of my mums house with an ex – boyfriend, this felt more of a tangible move) With uni, I have moved to a completely different city, a world away from my home town. At first everything felt like magic. The new surroundings, the new people it was all such a precious experience that I never wanted to stop feeling. This was until reality hit me. The rent bills, phone bills, amongst many other bills. The first term was horrendous. The excitement of it all caused me to spend all my money within two months. But this time I didn’t have mummy or daddy to bail me out. They always said they would help where they could but I knew I had to do this on my own. I knew i’d been stupid and reckless and i’d ruined it for myself and it was time to sort myself out. From this experience it made me think, the world revolves around money, money I will hopefully someday be making from a career. A career that I will be building within the next ten years. As excited as I am to make something of myself, the intense pressure of making something of myself, being proud of myself, and making the people I love proud, is very daunting.
The Body.
Seems like an odd thing to add in, but the thought of looking completely different again frightens me. It took me years to become happy with with how I look now. (and even now I can think of a million things I would make different.) But the thought of it all changing again, I’m not sure if I am completely ready for that. Ageing is something I know we should do gracefully, (which is alright for the already graceful to say) but for people that natural beauty isn’t cut out for, what happens then? I notice microscopic changes to my body everyday, so I can only imagine when the first wrinkle really settles in, I will be sat with a huge bottle of vodka trying to figure my life out. I know Image isn’t important and the mind and heart is much more important. But it’s not the thought of how others perceive me as such, but the feeling i’ll give myself when I look in the mirror.
Relationships.
This doesn’t necessarily mean boyfriends or girlfriends, it can be friendships or relationships with family. In life, people come and go without a moments notice. People that you care about, or sometimes people who have had no significance. My point being that we can’t control this happening, but I feel that as we grow up, the more we notice this loss and gain of people, and the more if affects us. I worry that being away from my family will detach me from them. I fret that my friendships will drift as we all move down our own paths. I am afraid that I will fall in and out of love so many times that my heart will finally break in two.
We obviously cannot change the way the world works. Every year we will get older and every year things will change. As well as being an anxious time, it has to be mentioned that this is also the most exciting and amazing time. Change isn’t all bad. The world is a crazy, but wonderful place. This post has seemed predominantly negative, but this is just my pessimistic part of the brain working. I’m excited to be responsible over my own life and judgements. I just over think things to much but with age perhaps that part of me will slowly vanish.
♡Life is super Kawaii♡ 